One Week Down!

I have just been amazed at the love and support that has been shown me this week-and I thank all of you for that. Radiation is going well, as least as far as I can tell. Robin, Amy and Tim, my radiation therapists, keep telling me it gets easier as we go along, in that I will become accustomed to the positioning and set-up and will naturally go into the proper position when I get on the table. I'm not there yet, but it does seems to be becoming more routine. They are very quick and get you in and out in a snap, but it is still strange to have to undress and redress in the middle of the day. As far as side effects go, they are minimal so far. There is tenderness and some weird stuff with scar tissue, but they keep telling me, if there are going to be side effects they shouldn't start showing up for at least another week. Whoopee!
Larry was out of town for half the week so Thursday Courtney and Caitlin indulged me with a trip to the hair salon and we all got haircuts. Later that afternoon we went to a chickflick and just had a fun day-I really appreciate the distraction not to mention how fun my daughters can be! Thanks, girls.

Radiation Begins!

Well, today I started radiation. It was a rather anxious morning, and all for naught I might add. The actual, run the machine, time the teatment takes is probably 5 minutes at most. Changing clothes takes longer than the treament itself. And the people at the cancer center are truly wonderful. I have known my raditaion tech/therapist since he was about four years old. Tim went through school and scouts with my kids and we've known his parents for forever so there is comfort in familiarity. Now there is also comfort in knowing this is the point where the end is in sight, at least of treament.
I had a wonderful weekend that was most pleastantly distracting as Kiersten and Justin brought Mackenzie to Sacramento to meet the Moore clan, so Sunday was occupied with everyone getting together at Tim and Natasha's for dinner. It is so much fun watching all the cousins playing together (I had very few cousins growing up) and all my adult kids now visiting and swapping kids in arms like they were their own. Kiersten had coached Zachary (19 months) with pictures of all his cousins so he knew them all by name when he got here except he had a tough time with Uncle Brian. Justin has a brother who looks more like Brian than he does Justin so all weekend Brian was Uncle Sean but otherwise this kid knows everyone by name-which is amazing for a 19 month old anyway. His Hayward grandpa taught him the phrase "Bummer, Dude" so all weekend he would tell us "Bummer, Dude!" Then Monday we hosted a brunch for some of Kiersten and Justin's old college friends and their kids and some of the family came over for that so again it was busy and fun. Then last night we were invited to Natasha's parents home down in Wilton for a barbeque so by the time we got home last night I fell into bed not having had a chance to think about today- so all in all it was a great weekend. Then this morning I was amazed how many friends called to wish me well and let me know they were remembering me, so I have to admit, there really is an upside to this cancer business-I never really appreciated how wonderful my friends truly are.

I Light Up My Life!

Well, I've finally gotten my schedule for radiation treatment. It's very simple. starting May 27th at 1:20 and every weekday thereafter through June 30th I will be at radiation therapy. I go in this Thursday for a "simulation" where they set up the machine with all the computer coordinates and I get to be positioned, which will be some variation of laying on my back with my arm over my head. This is rather exciting as this is the beginning of the end, of treatments at least. I will always have a couple of nasty scars and be totally lopsided as reminders of this adventure and will be seeing doctors every three months for several years so it's not like I get to shake hands and say goodbye to cancer forever, but it will no longer be in the forefront of my daily life. One less than fun note, I'm not allowed to go swimming until after radiation has ended and my skin has healed which wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have a pool in the backyard that Larry keeps telling me is so wonderful right now. So at least it will be something to look forward to and in the meantime Cait has gotten a job at Gunther's Ice Cream Parlor so that may just have to make up for the not fun stuff.
Other good notes, I'm learning how to do lymphatic massage and growing all sorts of sprouts, broccoli, alfalfa and radish, which are supposed to be super nutrient packed, so it's all healthy and tasty. I've always like sprouts and Cait has loved alfalfa sprouts since she was little so she's getting into it too.

Can you say "DOSIMITRY"?

While you never plan to be sidetracked by crises, just look at Myanmar or China this week or on a much smaller level a cancer diagnosis, your life changes in a matter of seconds. As much as it changes you still go on doing most if not all of the same things you did before, so yesterday I went to the dentist for a cleaning and a checkup and I don't have to go back for six months so that is good news.
Yesterday afternoon I went back to the radiation oncologist for a CT scan. Next all the information gathered from the scan goes to the dosimitrist to plan out the actual radiation treatment which should be starting next week. As a process it is different than most, as the first thing that happens is they pose you in a reasonably uncomfortable position with your hand above your head which wouldn't be bad but they have to rest your arm in braces that are just distorted enough to be miserable. Next a doctor comes in and starts drawing on your chest with magic markers. They then lay thin metal wires across your scar and around the outsides of you breast to create "the field". Then the actual scan which takes about 5 minutes-if that long. Next the tech comes back with a syringe and "tatoos" several fine pin dot marks on your chest to permantently mark "the field". I have a new sense of admiration of all those kids with tatoos as each needle poke felt like a bee sting and I only got a couple of them and kids get ornate designs-the only difference is I imagine a lot of people are drunk when they get tatooed so they probably don't feel much of anything.
I am starting to feel side effects fom the Arimidex, like poor quality sleep, but then again a lot of people blame that on the anxiety of dealing with cancer-who knows, I just know I am waking up several times during the night, which is something I have't done in a long time. Other than sleep, I haven't noticed any real problems and who knows about the sleep, the wind has been blowing here so it could be allergies, it's gotten warm at night so it just might be the change of season.
I have been attending Sacrament meeting each Sunday, but that is all. For Mother's Day I sat around and watched old movies, it felt very decadent and non-productive but just plan fun. My Sacramento family put on a lovely Mother's Day dinner on Saturday evening as everyone's church is at different times, then on Sunday Larry barbequed Lamb chops (my absolute favorite) for us so it was a wonderful weekend.

Have a Glorious Day!

Tuesday Blessings

Day to day life is very normal for me these days, but my mental state is very surreal. I remember Anne Nizze (from the John Wayne clinical trial), telling Megan to only think about cancer treatments when you absolutely had to, like when you're walking in the door to get one, but the rest of the time don't dwell on it. I don't think I dwell on it but it does pop into my head at very strange times. Like today as I showered I was hit by the idea that God doesn't make bad things happen to you, but to our knowledge he doesn't stop them as life is meant to teach us to deal with our trials, but he must have good things planned for me as He saw to it that my cancer was diagnosed years before it would have shown up on routine tests and therefore easily contained. I must admit though, at this point, every time I get an ache or pain or strange feeling, I start wondering if it is a side effect of my medication or some new symptom, but it always turns out to be a passing ache or pain.
I went in today to have blood drawn for a cancer surviorship study I am participating in and when I got home I received a phone call from a women at Columbia University asking if I would participate in their study. I said sure as it is only a series of phone interviews over the next couple of years and somebody should get something out of my experience.
The Book of Mormon talks of the "Tender Mercies" of the Lord. I do find I am noticing them more and more, simple blessings, like if I had to go through this, I got to do it at a beautiful time of the year. It is no longer cold and gloomy which could have made it really difficult to not be depressed. Instead, the weather here in Sacramento is glorious, all the flowers in the yard are in full bloom and Larry's garden is growing so I get to see rebirth and good health all around me, and for that I am grateful.

Radiation Oncologist-April 29th

I am learning more about subjects I had no desire to learn about than you can imagine. We went and saw the radiation oncologist yesterday and she said I still need some more wound healing time before they can start, so I go in May 13th for a CT scan to map the area and then they do some hocus pocus in the computer to figure out the actual radiation plan. The actual treatments should start the following week and she seems to feel at this point I will only need five weeks of daily treatment. She said the actual treatment time will be about 20 minutes but to allow about 45 minutes at the center for changing clothes, set up and stuff like that. The side effects will be similar to sunburn (some people get mild ones, some people get wicked ones, we'll find out when it happens) but she did say I can use straight aloe from aloe plants on it and since Larry has a half-dozen aloe plants, we're well stocked. There will be some lung damage, as they have to irradiate through the chest wall, but she seems to feel it will only mean I can never run a marathon, but will have plenty of lung function for anything short of that.
I attended a class/support group at Kaiser led by a doctor(she made Megan look old) and a physical therapist and all of a sudden the dam broke and information that was in the abstract prior to this was brought into reality. I was the most recent diagnosee and there were women who were five year survivors and I imagine it was very much like walking into heaven. I walked in not knowing a soul and within two hours we were hugging, laughing, crying with each other as if we had known each other forever. Each woman's story was different (and many were much worse than mine) yet we were all the same. By the end of the evening women were showing each other mastectomy scars, women in my situation were telling me how old shoulder pads make great stuffing for your bra, which were the better places to buy bras and stuff I'm not sure I even talk to my daughters about. The physical therapist spent time on that old nemesis of mine-exercise and how and why you really need it after breast surgery. Breast surgery or the treatment affects your balance, your
posture, your bone density (the drug I have to take can lead to osteoporosis) so it is more imperative than ever that I start exercising and she was very clear this is a babysteps issue, but it has to start now-prevention is so much better than treatment later. She gave us stretch bands and showed us arm, chest and back exercises and then some low impact stuff to strengthen bones and again tons of handouts of support organizations, internet web sites, and medical stuff about dealing/coping with cancer.
I am participating in a cancer survivorship study that Kaiser is participating in with several big colleges, UCSF and Georgetown University in DC. They did a three hour interview on medical/family history and lifestyle issues and took blood and saliva samples for DNA studies and will require a six month and 18 month follow-up interview. They've invited me to participate in a Columbia University study also, so this is fair warning, it is people like me they talk to when they start throwing those crazy statistics around saying things like "6 out of 10 women with cancer use soap." Hey, I have nothing better to do this week than answer questions.
Otherwise I am doing pretty good. Still tender, but not much actual pain. Amazingly life goes on, and this too shall pass.

Meeting my Oncologist-April 21st

April 22nd I got to meet the oncologist, but I must admit it was very anticlimactic as he really didn't tell me anything new and he had the personality of a dead fish.
He gave me a lot of statistics about various treatments including radiation, chemotherapy and hormonal treatment and the final decision was go with radiation and the hormonal treatment and forget the chemo. The doctor says at my stage of cancer (stage 1) chemo adds nothing to the life expectancy statistics and it makes your hair fall out, you get sick and GAIN weight. This whole process started so I would loose weight not gain it. He is optimistic that this should only delay my gastric bypass surgery, not cancel it.
I will start the hormonal therapy as soon as it arrives in the mail from the pharmacy and I will have to take it for 5 years. Breast cancer cells that grow from reacting with estrogen die because the hormonal therapy slips in where the estrogen normally would so it will kill off any left in my body.
As to the radiation I am still waiting to hear from the radiation oncologist to set up my radiation schedule. I'm told usually they allow 3-4 weeks for you to heal from the surgery before starting. I'm told it will be a daily treatment for six weeks with minimal side effects, mainly a mild sunburn and possible fatigue. The purpose of radiation is to kill off any stray cancer cells in the immediate vicinity of the breast that surgery may have missed but had not yet reached my lymph nodes.
So that is where we're at, I feel okay physically, tender from surgery but I have started walking on the treadmill so ready to get back into life. Emotionally I waver between feeling beat-up just dealing with so much medical stuff and feeling fine because by the time they diagnosed my cancer they had already removed it so it was a rather after the fact sort of thing.
All your prayers and good thoughts have been appreciated so thank you.

April Showers bring Good News!

April 4th my surgeon called to give me the bad news, I had breast cancer. She asked if I would be willing to undergo more surgery the following Friday, April 11th. They needed to remove more breast tissue and take out the sentinel lymph node to see it the cancer had spread, and by the way, her office would call and set up an appointment so we could talk about cancer and what was going on. April 5th Kiersten gave us a beautiful new granddaughter, Mackenzie Nicole, which was a glorious bright spot in what I was going through. April 8th, my Sacramento Family all got together and took me out to dinner to celebrate my birthday. April 9th we went in to see the surgeon and she explained I had "Invasive Ductal Carcinoma". It was too early to stage my cancer (decide how bad it was) because the cancer went up to the edges of the mass she took out so they didn't know if there was more left in my breast and they needed to find out if it had spread to my lymph nodes. I got to spend the next hour with a nurse being trained in all the possible eventualities and outcomes of surgery, which I won't go into because none of them happened, but I will admit Larry and I went home pretty shakened about what could possibly happen.
Friday April 11th, I had to arrive at the hospital at 7:30 as the surgeon had to inject my breast with a blue radioactive dye. This was done to follow the dye to my lymph nodes, so they could remove the first one that the dye hit to biopsy for cancer. The coolest part of all this is I peed blue for several days after the surgery. The surgery went well although the surgeon removed a whole lot more tissue than she said she was going to and luckily no cancer was found in the sentinel node so they didn't need to remove any more.
The following week I got the really GOOD news, I have stage one cancer and my cancer is hormone receptive. That means it should be really easy to treat-not that the treatments will be fun, but it should respond well to treatment. A hormone receptive cancer grows with estrogen so the Arimidex (the drug I have to take) will prevent my body from making estrogen so if any cancer is left it will have nothing to grow on.

March: In like a lamb and out like a LION

I was chagrined last month when my surgeon ordered a routine mammogram as a pre-op test. It was only 16 months since my last one, which is well within the one to two year window women my age are advised to have one. Well it started off poorly when I called Kaiser to make an appointment and April 11 was the earliest they could get me in so after almost resorting to tears I explained why I need it sooner and the appointment setter suggested I call radiology directly and explain my plight. I called and a very gracious operator gave an appointment the following Wednesday March 5th, so I was on my way. I was given an appointment the following day for the requisite breast exam in GYN so March 5th and 6th I was able to accomplish all the requisite exams including a pre-operative chest x-ray.
March 6th I received a phone call saying there was something on my mammogram and would I be willing to have an ultrasound. I agreed and the appointment was set for Thursday March 13. I arrived at Kaiser and registered and all of a sudden they were putting a wrist band on me as an in-patient which was explained as routine for a biopsy. Getting a little nervous now, I was ushered into a room with an ultrasound machine and a tray full of surgical items. A tech did an ultrasound, called in a radiologist who informed me they needed to biopsy my “suspicious lesion”. I was numbed and a core biopsy was done-in other words, a needle the size of a number 2 pencil lead was punched into my breast 5 different times to take out little “cores” of this lesion. The next day I received the wonderful news it was benign and nothing else needed to be done.
10 days later the radiologist called and asked if I would be willing to do another mammogram, just to be sure all was well and I agreed so Tuesday, March 25, I underwent another mammogram (whoopee). The radiologist read it immediately and only asked for several extra views to be done, but was satisfied it was benign and gave me the choice of having it out or having mammograms every 90 days for a year –just to watch it! Who wants to manage mammograms every 90 days so I decided to have it removed. I was able to meet with a surgeon on Wednesday who felt a wait and see approach was totally reasonable, but after talking to me suggested we just take it out once and for all, and she was able to secure an operating room for Friday the 28th so I wouldn’t have to spend a lot of time stewing about it.
Friday at 8:30 I go through the out patient surgery admitting process and am made very comfortable for an 11:30 surgery. I did need to have a pre-surgical ultrasound to locate the “suspicious lesion” and have a wire inserted in it so the surgeon would be able to locate it during surgery. Well, surprise, my “suspicious lesion” apparently had an evil twin they missed the first time so I get two wires instead of one and am told they both can be removed at the same time.
Surgery went well and I recovered quickly only to have to wait a week for the biopsy of the second lesion. The plots thickens. . . . . .